The first time I came in contact with M's drinking was in 1975. I was doing security on the floor of his hotel room .By a trick of fate, I and another premie had to clean up and we saw things I assume we weren't supposed to-namely several crates of empty alcohol bottles. We were hit pretty hard by it at the time and came up with all sorts of explanations from the usual lila rubbish to even convincing ourselves that he had emptied all the bottles down the sink, knowing that we would see them and that it would give our minds a hammering.

Later on,mainly in the late 70s, I just accepted that M drank-by that time I was pretty much unquestioning. M had periodic parties at residences and there was always drink there. Mainly I heard M, rather than saw him-usually from the end of a long driveway. He could become very loud when he was drinking.He was usually very quiet-almost shy and insecure,so perhaps the drinking helped him come out of himself.One time that stands out was hearing his slurred voice at a party very loudly proclaiming,' I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it!' What it was he was going to do ,I never did find out. Others such as Mr.Ex( is he still around?) have seen more and spoken about it.

From JW

Can you, without losing your dinner, tell us some of the jokes M used to tell? By the way, Dennis Murphy, who was M's cook for awhile, told me Maharaji also told homophobic jokes. Any recollection with that?

Did you ever actually see him drunk? Did anyone, any premie, try to explain-away his drinking?

Did Maharaji ever talk to you? Did he ever thank you for freezing on the tarmac for his plane, etc.?

From chr

I heard him and saw him drunk. No , we were never thanked - basically it was us who thanked him for such a wonderful opportunity to serve him. I can't remember specific jokes offhand-just that they were very sexist with a liberal dosing of 'shit', 'arse', 'cunt', 'fuck', 'tits' etc. This always worried me more than the drinking- I can understand why now, but at the time I put it in the too hard basket and assumed M had his reasons. It was only rarely that I got to hear them first hand . Some of the premies close to M used to make a point of seeking out dirty jokes as a means to get his attention. The drinking was especially prevelant during the Deca days. Maybe that was why he was so moody and unpredictable then-it all fits the profile of a drinker with a problem.

From JW

Yes, he was REALLY tempermental during the DECA days. He seemed freaked out and very frustrated much of the time, and he really took it out on some of the premies. When I saw it, I was always so grateful it wasn't me who was his victim. He was really giving fire and brimstone satsang at that time, too, I recall especially at Hans Jayanti in Orlando in 1979. Maybe this is an explanation about the 'I Am God' period -- He was just too drunk and didn't know what he was doing.

I have heard that around the DECA time, around 1980, in addition to the drinking, that was when he began the affairs with premie women. Maybe that got him drinking too.

From chr

Yes he was loud - that squeaky Indian/American voice could be heard at parties above the rest. I was never one of the select few who were inside during parties, so most of the time I just heard him. A couple of times I saw him stagger outside- but nothing as dramatic as throwing up on himself.

Maharaji's behaviuor was within the realms of normality for a regular human being. However he was claiming to be much more than that - what we thought at the time was his divine lila was little more than the reactive behaviour of a prima donna who married far too young and lacked the maturity, understanding and knowhow to guide a mass of people who had become dependent on him.

I wonder if he still yells and screams at premies like he did in the deca days? He could be very unpleasant . I've heard that the craziness has still been around at his more recent projects such as the new Malibu house and other planes.

It's interesting looking back and it shows how much a part of the cult we all were. The craziness was always blamed on premies. M was never questioned and yet here he was getting drunk, losing his temper regularly and behaving in far more erratic and crazy ways than most of his premies. Some people got really hurt at that time.

One guy I knew had hoped for years to be directly serving M. After a time of being around him at the residence doing security and various other situations, he packed his bags and left. He told me that M was a dark, lonely, disturbed, and deluded individual. A shadow passed over me at the time because I knew deep down somewhere I had thought and felt the same things. I pushed it aside but it disturbed me more than I let on.